The Importance of Intimacy
Jeremiah 29:13 NKJV: “And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”
Back before the internet was created, I started seeing a Christian therapist. At the time, my life was good, but I was a mess. I was depressed and angry. My personal relationships began to suffer, and I began to believe that the world would be a whole lot better if I weren’t in it.
Jeremiah 29:13 NKJV: “And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”
As I sat on this woman’s couch (yes, my therapist actually had a couch) we started to unravel what was at the core of my issue. The Lord had guided me to a Christian therapeutic practice, so prayer and talking about the Lord and Bible scriptures were an integrated part of her treatment plan. One day as I sat on the sofa Dr. Karen asked me, “Do you have an intimate relationship with Jesus?”
A bunch of emotions must have crossed my face at the same time – confusion, shock, horror, disgust, and disdain. As she waited patiently for me to sort out all the emotions swirling inside me, I was working on not being righteously indignant (you’ll see why in a minute). I gathered my thoughts (and bridled my tongue) and told her, “No, I didn’t have an intimate relationship with Jesus. How could I have sex with Him? That’s nasty.”
To Dr. Karen’s credit, she didn’t flinch. That woman’s face stayed as smooth as fine Japanese porcelain. She said, “Kim, intimacy can be a part of sex, but intimacy is so much more than ‘sex’. You need to get Jesus into your heart.”
Now in addition to being confused (what do you MEAN that there is intimacy apart from sex?). When I wanted to really get to “know” someone of the opposite sex, I had sex with them. It didn’t get more real than that, right?
Right?
Wrong….
But now I was confused and offended because Dr. Karen told me that I, saved AND celibate, Kimberly, needed to get Jesus into my heart. Clearly, she didn’t realize who I was - - allow me to reintroduce myself – I was saved, sanctified, filled with the Holy Ghost WITH the evidence of speaking in other tongues, FIRE baptized, dipped in the water in an immersion baptism, with a call on my life to teach the Gospel of Jesus Christ and enrolled in an EVANGELICAL seminary….
Ma’am, I wasn’t just “saved,” I was S-A-V-E-D!! ::mic drop::
Dr. Karen listened to me run my Christian credentials, and once again, her tone, expression, and demeanor didn’t change. She said, “Kim, point to yourself.”
Say what now? I was itching for a fight. I was ready to read this woman from her hair follicles down to her sensible shoes, and she asked me to point to myself… What kind of quack medicine was I partaking in? I needed to speak to a manager.
Who’s the Karen now?
Anywho…. Dr. Karen waited while offended Kim-Karen was ready to call the therapist police on the woman who clearly knew how to do her job very well.
I did what she said and pointed to myself. I took my indignant index finger and pointed it straight to my chest. I stared at her with cold eyes, ready to respond to whatever ‘quackery’ came out of her mouth. She said, “Kim, when you pointed to yourself, you pointed to your chest. You pointed towards your heart. You didn’t point to your head, did you?”
I started to defrost… wait, what? In fact, I still had my finger on my chest.
She continued, “That’s where Jesus needs to be. He needs to be in your heart again. Right now, He’s in your head. You need to let Him back into your heart.”
I sat there shookth. My own index finger betrayed the nature of how my relationship with Jesus had devolved from being warm, loving, and trusting to a relationship that was cold, transactional, and micromanaged by a Pharisee with Karen tendencies (me).
Intimacy.
There was so much that happened on that sofa that night, and as much as I fought to be right on my way home, there was no way I could shake the truth. I didn’t have Jesus in my heart. Oh, I loved Him, I knew He was real and that I had experienced Him. But when was the last time I felt His presence outside of corporate worship? When was the last time He visited me in my dreams and walked with me? When was the last time I heard Him laugh? Felt Him when He woke me up to pray? I started to remember the times when Jesus was always there with me. Fighting for me.
In one season of my life as a new believer, I was being tormented by a demon that would scream in my ear as I went to sleep. That thing started harassing me during the daytime as well. I told my girlfriend about it, and she took me straight to our pastor. He explained to me about spiritual authority and told me Jesus had given me power and authority over all unclean spirits (Luke 9:1, Matthew 10:1). He prayed for me and instructed me to pray before I went to sleep and to ask the Lord to encamp His warring angels around my bed while I rested to keep watch. That night, when I was getting ready for bed, I felt the tormentor rising. I got scared and started to cry, and as I prayed, I told Him I didn’t want His angels standing watch over me. I wanted HIM to watch over me. I trusted Him. I loved Him. I didn’t know if angels were real, but I KNEW Jesus was real and He loved me. As I lay down to sleep, I was still crying, and I whispered I don’t want to be alone. He whispered back, “You’re not alone”. And I said, “Then I’m not afraid.” And I went to sleep. And for the first time in weeks, I woke up rested, refreshed, and joyful!!! My SAVIOR saved my sleep. I loved Him so much!
How did I go from trusting Jesus with everything to doubting Him about everything? What happened to my faith that took it from a relationship to religion?
It was perversion.
I wish I could say that I continued with therapy, had a miraculous breakthrough, and my relationship with Christ was restored before the next insurance co-pay was processed. Quite the opposite happened - - all hell broke loose in my life now. I was laid off, no job, no health insurance. I had a terrible break-up in a friendship that meant the world to me at the time, and I was leaving my church. I didn’t have money to continue therapy, and honestly, my therapist had started to “work my nerves” anyway (translation: she was getting close to the root of the issue). So, I did what all pride-preserving people do - - I ran and took control!
Fast forward several years. The internet is alive and well, social media is a thing, and I’m still going around the same mountain like the Israelites. Unable to cross over into the promise land, and at this point, my heart was rock hard. There were years of disappointments, loss, pain, anger, and rejection piled onto what was revealed on that sofa so long ago.
When I prayed to God, it was short and sweet. “Forgive me of any sins I may have committed (as I was committing them willfully)”. If I remembered to bless my food, that was a miracle. I was drinking, socializing, living my ‘best’ life. I found a liberal, Presbyterian church that fed my intellect and starved my soul. What I needed was intimacy with Jesus, and at this point, I was so distant from Him that I didn’t know how to find my way back and didn’t realize I was lost.
The spirit of perversion is a sneaky demon. It infiltrated each one of my disappointments and twisted and distorted my understanding, my perception, and (at times) my memory of a situation. And instead of me being able to accept responsibility for my actions or cast the devil out, I blamed the Lord for all of it.
“Why wasn’t I married? The Lord knew how much I wanted to be a wife and mother! This is His fault.”
“Why was I in debt? I thought the Lord would supply all my needs.”
I blamed every hurt, every shortcoming, every disappointment on the One who loved me with an everlasting, long-suffering love. As my love waxed colder and colder, I would act like all was cool between us. I preached (yes! I preached a mean sermon), prayed for folks, served in church and was working on getting ordained. Although I lacked intimacy with Him, I still loved Him.
Now THAT is the ultimate perversion! Believing you can love the Lord with all your heart, all your mind, and all your strength, and you’re still harboring unexpressed anger and resentment towards Him. How can any relationship thrive when the communication is blocked?
Perversion had me convinced that the Lord was mean and petty when it came to ‘granting’ me what I really wanted. He was holding out on the good blessings until I did… I don’t know what, but I was sure it was something crazy. In actuality, He was probably waiting for me to submit, surrender, and obey, but more about that later.
Eventually, I met my now-Apostle, and during our first meeting, she brought me to tears in 30 seconds or less. I learned how to find God in prayer again and how to experience His Presence.
But I still wasn’t intimate with Him.
Let’s take a closer look at intimacy.
Merriam-Webster defines intimacy as “1: the state of being intimate: familiarity. 2: something of a personal or private nature.”
Let’s drill down deeper. Intimate is defined as “1a: marked by a warm friendship developing through long association.”
Intimacy is being able to bring everything to the Lord. It’s a relationship built of trust and love. But perversion likes to distort this. Instead of building a relationship, perversion will distort your belief and transform it into a cold, heady religious practice with the Lord to one that is based on works and not faith. Perversion will have you working for something that was given freely. Perversion will distort your relationship with the Lord and have you become as the Galatians Paul addressed in Galatians 3:1-4 NKJV,
“O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you that you should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed among you as crucified? 2 This only I want to learn from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh? 4 Have you suffered so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain?”
You will have the appearance of Godliness but denying its power (2 Timothy 3:15 NKJV). And since the natural mind cannot discern the things of the Spirit (I Corinthians 2:14 NKJV), you will be unable to diagnose the problem by yourself. You will need a community of Spirit-filled, Spirit-led believers who love you and are willing to hold up the mirror to you, showing you YOU.
You may ask, “Rev., cut to the chase! How did you rekindle intimacy with the Lord?”
I’m so glad you asked. I think it started with me admitting I didn’t know what I was doing and that I was confused. Then one night I had a dream. In that dream, I was instructed to go through the Bible every day for 30 days and find a characteristic about Jesus. I was to type down what I found with the supporting scripture. If I found 30 things on Day 1 that didn’t matter. On Day 2, you'd better find another verse.
So, for 30 days, I searched the Word. Some days were easier than others. But eventually, the fog and haze in my mind began to lift, and I could perceive Jesus again. It wasn’t instantaneous. There was still a lot of work that needed to be done to soften my heart that had become so hardened with pride. But perversion was finally exposed. Jesus never left me. He was always there. I was the one who shut Him out. I rediscovered the One who gave up everything to save my soul.
Now, when I pray, all I need to do is reflect on Jesus, and the tears come. There is an intimacy in my relationship with Him that came from discovering Him. From learning about through the Word. By experiencing His goodness in my life.
If you find that you’re in a battle with the spirit of perversion, take time to focus and build intimacy with Jesus. He will be able to untwist the swirl of lies this demon likes to operate in. He will speak calmly to any chaotic situation. He is the Prince of Peace after all.
As you spend time with the Lord, you will be able to discern perversion’s distortions and lies. And once you do, you only need to “2 Corinthians 10:5 NKJV” any rogue thoughts, “casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”
